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Speak
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| The Strengths Cafe is an online publishing project sponsored by Innovative Resources.
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When the 'print' button was pushed and the latest drafts of the Deep Speak cards began to roll out off the office printer there were 'oohhs' and 'ahhs' of appreciation and delight. At 120 cards this is the largest card set Innovative Resources has attempted and the designer, Bradley Welsh, has done a fantastic job of creating a slightly edgy, dynamic, font-based resource.
While Deep Speak is designed to appeal to adolescents, it can be used to open up meaningful conversations about identity, beliefs, values, emotions and relationships with adults as well. Each card features a question. And as we all know, some questions are hard to answer; some questions take us by surprise; some questions haunt us for years; some questions make us laugh; some questions challenge our values. and our picture of who we are.
The Deep Speak questions are just like these, each with its own beautifully designed card, plus a 32-page booklet of suggestions to explore the transformational power of simple questions. Teachers, counsellors, therapists, social workers, parents and facilitators can use Deep Speak to build rich conversations with young people and adults about some of life's big questions. and some of the little quirky ones as well. |
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Foreword to Deep SpeakThe following excerpt is from the foreword to Deep Speak by St Luke's Residential Care Program Manager, Jo Haythorpe. It was inspired by this quote from Polish youth pioneer, Janusz Korczak: 'We fail to see the child, just as one time we were unable to see the woman, the peasant, the opressed social strata and oppressed peoples. We have arranged things for ourselves, so that children should be in our way as little as possible . A child's primary and irrefutable right is the right to voice his thoughts, to actively participate in our verdicts concerning him.'
Changes in the way an emerging and growing adolescent thinks are almost invisible, yet they are just as great as bodily changes. Guidance is needed, though it may not always be welcomed. An adolescent needs to test out their new thinking skills and learn how to make sense of a very complex world-a world of drugs, sex, conflict, job-search, unemployment, love, and a myriad of pressures and uncertainties-all while trying to establish independence. Underpinning this journey are the values and ideas passed on by their parents, carers and peers, and the search for their own ideas and values. To do this successfully, they need to author their own life story and be given opportunities to reflect on and articulate the events, thoughts and feelings that punctuate their lives. This kind of reflection and articulation gives meaning to their experiences. Through active curiosity one can gain valuable information about what is important in young people's lives. In his book From Surviving to Thriving - promoting mental health in young people (ACER Press 1998), Australian author Andrew Fuller notes:
It's surprising the amount of information that can be extracted out of a song lyric or favourite films. The art seems to be to use their own diversion strategies as an entrée to their world. Also, it allows them to educate you about something, which often places them in a different position from being misunderstood or not listened to.
Two of the most important things you can do to enhance your relationship with someone is to improve your communication and to create opportunities to connect. Within my field of Residential Care for 'at risk' youth, young people often write about their feelings in quite moving poems. This is encouraged by staff as the sharing of the poems opens up avenues for conversation about their deeper feelings or frustrations. The young people's sense of self-worth is evident following these closer encounters with staff.
To really connect with a young person you need to share some good times with them; find some common interests, talk, share stories and do things together regularly-whether it is one-on-one or in a group. The Deep Speak cards will provide the opportunities to do just that. They will be a valuable tool for parents, youth workers and other carers of young people. But more importantly, they will be a great resource for young people themselves-giving them opportunities to tell their stories and share their thoughts, feelings and beliefs. |
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Learning to Listen At the time of writing this article Nicole Ellerton was the project manager of Everybody's Kids' at St Luke's in Bendigo, Australia.
At the beginning of my workshops I invite each participant to choose a Signposts card they like, whether it is because of the image or because of the words. (Signposts is published by Innovative Resources) When everyone has chosen a card they are invited to pair up. Each person in the pair then takes a turn to speak about themselves (using the card as a prompt) for two minutes while the other person listens … and when I say listen,that's what I mean!
Listeners are asked not to interrupt with questions, comments or their own stories. Some of us are great at interrupting with our own stories, or interrupting by asking questions that take the story in an entirely different direction to where the speaker was going, for example, "Oh, really? I write poetry too; mine are mostly about..."
Participants are given two minutes to speak about why they chose that particular card and what it means to them. At the end of two minutes the roles are reversed.
There are a variety of responses to this activity including, "Two minutes is too long", and "Two minutes isn't long enough." The interrupters talk about having to bite their tongues and not interrupt and this prompts people to reflect on how often they do interrupt. Others reflect on how uncomfortable they are talking about themselves for two minutes, and others mention how uncomfortable they are with the silences.
This activity is great with people who have known each other for many years. A group of employees at a local bank recently participated in this activity. One participant reflected, "I have just learnt more about Jodie in two minutes than I have in the past 18 years." Powerful stuff!
The reason I do this activity is to set the theme of valuing children and young people. Many of us, in our busy-ness, don't take the time to really listen to kids'to hear their stories. When we stop, listen, wait during moments of silence, we are open to hearing some truly amazing things.
Some people think and talk really quickly; others process their thoughts and share their words more slowly. If we are going to ask a child or young person a question or invite them to share a story, if we are sincere about valuing them, then we must listen. I have been amazed by the number of people who have shared with me how much they have learned not only about their kids, but about other people's kids by truly listening.
I have more recently added the Deep Speak cards to my workshops as a second opportunity to practise listening. In this exercise listeners are allowed to speak by affirming what has been said or asking a relevant question, but they are not to hijack the speaker's story with their own. This activity allows for two-way communication (acknowledging and questioning,without interrupting).
With the Deep Speak activity I asked people to choose a question that they were comfortable to speak to for one minute. I did this because I didn't want people having to respond to a very personal question with someone they barely knew (for example, a question such as "Does dying scare you?"). Interestingly enough, though, while many people did choose 'safe' questions such as "What's your favourite food?" and "How do you relax?" a number of people chose "What responsibilities come with having sex?" and "How do you feel about abortion?"
At the end of the activity each person read out to the group the question they had chosen. By the curious looks on people's faces, I could tell there were many more conversations to be had. People seemed genuinely interested in each other, despite the fact that most had never met before.
Again people were very aware of their speaking and listening capabilities. All agreed that these activities highlight a much more respectful way of communicating and that it is well worth taking the time to practise the art of listening. |
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Scratching the Surface I was chatting on the phone the other day to a senior secondary school teacher from Melbourne who was ordering some resources to use with her VCE students. Jenny told me a story about a psychology class she'd taught recently where she'd introduced the Deep Speak cards in an attempt to do something 'a little different' and create some conversation among some of the more reluctant students in the group. 'I thought, great,' she said, 'a set of cards with important, maybe even controversial, questions to really get them talking.' What actually transpired was both exciting and, as she puts it, 'a little frightening.' 'I wasn't prepared for the depth to which the questions would plumb, or the degree of honesty with which the students would respond. While it was a quite a bonding experience for the group, a couple of students in particular reacted strongly to individual questions: Have you ever felt things were out of control? and How do you cope when things fall apart? 'I realised how little I knew about the kids in my group. How much suffering can be going on unnoticed behind a calm and quiet exterior. The class spilled over into lunchtime. There were tears in some cases and thankfully the school's counsellor was available to have conversations with some of the students. As a consequence she has had ongoing contact with a number of them.' Jenny finished by telling me that, above all else, the experience highlighted for her the responsibility that comes, not only with teaching, but with using conversation-building tools. We feel the same responsibility at Innovative Resources when it comes to publishing materials, like Deep Speak, that have the potential to be life-changing. Our Director, Russell Deal, emphasises in his Travelling Toolshed workshops that when using metaphors, whether they be in the form of words or images, you don't have to scratch very deep or hard for profound meaning and powerful feelings to be let free. Any hands-on tool needs to be used with care. None of us can predict how an image, a question, a phrase, or a single word for that matter, will affect another individual. How a tool is introduced, the timing of it, the trust and openess that exists, even the tiredness of the participants can have a profound effect on the outcome. No set of cards is a panacea. None of Innovative Resources' tools come with a guarantee of usefulness. If one of our card sets doesn't work with any perceived success, this in itself could be a useful discovery about the dynamics of the tool, the group, the facilitator or the setting. There are, however, questions you can consider before introducing any hands-on tool for conversation-building or critical reflection. Here are just a few: What are the unknowns in this situation?
Are my goals clear? Am I relaxed, open and excited by this intervention? Have I considered people's confidentiality? Can everyone be respectfully included? Do I believe in what I'm doing? Can I imagine this tool making a difference?
John Holton (from SOON, vol. 21)
Using Deep Speak
There are 120 cards in the Deep Speak set. This may be too many to spread out and scan all at once, as you may be accustomed to doing with other card sets published by Innovative Resources. The Deep Speak cards have been divided into six suits of 20 cards. The suits (Openers, Identity, Relationships, Values, Emotions and Beliefs) are identified by different colours with the name of the suit appearing in small print on the card. Facilitators can use the colour coding to make a quick selection of cards if they wish to focus the discussion on a particular theme.
For example, if the cards are being used with a new group, it may be helpful to concentrate on the Openers cards to begin with. This may help to establish trust and create a group synergy before taking the conversation deeper. Some groups may want to go directly to one of the other themes, for example, church groups may want to concentrate on some of the beliefs and values questions. Many of the questions could well be placed in several of the suits and facilitators will certainly see overlap between the themes. For this reason the suits are not strongly emphasised graphically, and of course, facilitators are free to mix and match between the suits as they choose.
Another approach to the cards is to make a random selection of cards. These can then be spread out and participants invited to choose one or more cards according to strategically chosen questions such as:
Another option is to build the cards into an activity which allows a group to deal with all the cards sequentially. The following section describes how such an activity can be developed as a simulation or a game that can be fun and enjoyable, but illuminating too, if taken seriously.
Our recommendation is that the game be constructed so that there are no winners and losers. Otherwise, there are no prescribed rules. Rather, there is an open invitation to be inventive and to adapt the suggestions to the needs and interests of your group.
Creative Writing
While Deep Speak is primarily designed as a conversation-building tool it also lends itself to a number of reflective activities such as creative writing. For example, the questions on the cards can work as valuable prompts for journalling.
Journalling is a powerful reflective tool that builds an ongoing written record of one's thoughts and feelings. People journal for different reasons and in different ways. Avid journallers may have little need for imposed structure or prompts but at times even very experienced journallers enjoy the challenge of journalling to a theme and appreciate the suggestion of a focus.
The Deep Speak cards pose interesting and soulful questions that some people will enjoy responding to by writing rather than discussion. This writing can take a range of creative forms:
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